The UberSexHaiku of Shatner

I'm still taking submissions for ShatnerHaiku, but it'd better be good! As you can see below, I've got quite a bit stored up.

BTW, there's always plenty of room for women who want to compose love haiku to Shatner. If you're a guy writing about Spock and Kirk boinking each other on the bridge, please keep it to yourself. I've got enough!


Oh Captain of my heart--
Wear your toupee when you breach
my warm Nebula.

Yeoman Rand on deck
Rand receives the Captain's Log
Exit Yeoman Rammed

Into the black hole,
Where no man has gone before
-Bend over, Scotty

Captain I gave you
all I had last night, I can-
not sit down today

Shatner, a glowing
TOUPEE fills crystal vision
Light pixels see

The torn tan shirt thrusts
In gyrating green women
Sweaty TOUPEE falls

Shatner is wearing
a marmoset on his head
Chicks cannot resist

Kirk's great vessel
bursts through the barrier
to virgin worlds

Thrust your wild Toupee
Into my hot, waiting arms
Let me rub your head

Kirk goes back in time
hits on girl in soup kitchen
car ends their love tryst

Kirk must get ship back
seduces alien girl
it's easy for him

Yeoman Janice Rand
captain's quarters, sex kitten
she makes coffee too

Nurse Chrisine Chapel
screws Roddenberry, not Kirk
has the hots for Spock

Interracial kiss
white Kirk and black Uhura
gods made him do it

Suave TOUPEE Adorns
Kirk's furrowed brow, fetchingly
which do I lust more?

Nurse Chappel longing
Spock walks in not noticing
the Captain sees this

Green woman dances well
Kirk is entranced by her
or was it Cap Pike?

Shatner, sweet captain
man-male pattern most divine
Please lend me your hair.

In the breath of space
your pants bulge above your boots
And I am hairless

Softest secret hair
On Kirk's manly planetoid
of testosterone

Captain out to lunch
Put on the whalebone corset
Belly over pants

Barco lounge bridge chair
Spock's love is illogical
He kneels before Kirk

Kirk meets a female
Filtered close-up of her face
They shall surely schtup

So that gorgeous girl
was really a hag on pills?
The captain is ill

Kirk fires photon torps
Steady as she goes, Keptin!
Checkov: submissive

In the depths of space,
what is the sound
of one toupee falling?

When Kirk was young and
Strong, how could he know
Porkbellies were his future...

To boldly go where
Kirk has gone
May lead to strange lesions of the skin.

Tousled TOUPEE rides
Captain's head to strange new worlds
Kirk rides strange new girls

TOUPEED and girdled
Galactical stud Shantner
the tyrant captain

Kirk must enrage Spock
Calls him a pointy eared freak
Next to dog faced boy

Shatner is typecast
Is the Captain for all time
Friends with Adam West


Click on my red bow
To teleport back to the
Shatner Poem Page

The preceeding Haiku was written by the Grand High Arch Uberpopetitude. All rights reserved. Amen.

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